


Such Great Heights.

by fatedtomeet



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: I don't know, It just happened, M/M, OT5 Friendship, crackship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-26 11:56:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatedtomeet/pseuds/fatedtomeet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.</p><p> </p><p>this is mostly a series of drabble that will come together like a story, about the different times logan and zayn spent time with each other and how it lead to love.</p><p> </p><p>comments/complaints/feedback welcome :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

a friend of a friend of an acquaintance, that’s how they meet. an awkward handshake and stolen glances as grimmy rambles on to emma about how harry was the friend who missed the ending of perks even though she already knows, even though there has been playful twitter banter and the like between the lot of them. but zayn’s already tuned them out, eye’s rolling as his attention turns to logan and the way his lips are lifted into this half smile that makes him feel things he can’t even begin to understand. the dark haired boy is silent, taking in his surroundings as if he’s a bit nervous but at the same time completely at ease and happy just to watch everyone else interact rather than join in. and it pulls at something in zayn’s chest, that common bond and suddenly he’s moving, hands slipping into his jeans to unearth a smushed pack of fags and gesturing towards the balcony.

it’s not until he’s outside that he realizes logan was following, the older boy making his way over to the railing so he can rest his elbows against it and lean over. zayn follows suit, cigarette tucked in his lip and he takes a long drag before offering out his pack. “only got one left but ‘s yours if you want it, mate.”

logan shakes his head, slips his fingers into the pocket of his flannel and reveals his own pack followed by a lighter. he leans in close to use zayn’s body as a barrier to light it, eyes closing when he takes the initial inhale. and he can’t help but to watch him, the way his eyelashes flutter and his lips part as he exhales, puffs of smoke forming distorted shapes. he doesn’t mean to stare, really he doesn’t but suddenly there are blue eyes piercing his and fuck he’s caught. but there’s no biting quip the way there would be if it were louis or niall he was staring at, just another half smile half smirk and a nod of his head.

 

they stand there silent for a while, just drinking in the way the sun is slowly sinking from the sky and the noise of the city down below before the brush of fingers over his arm is pulling him from his reverie and zayn jumps a bit, his eyebrow cocked. and then logan’s laughing, chuckles slipping from his lips as his fingers graze over the ink that’s permanently etched on his skin. “i like this one. i like the coloring and the placement. i like that it’s quirky and tells a story, even if i don’t know what it is. Can tell it’s personal though.”

and it’s more words than zayn was expecting to hear leave his lips, had thought maybe he was going to remain silent but attentive for the rest of the night. it’s a bit of a shock, honestly, but a welcomed one the same as the feel of fingers still breezing over his skin is. “everything has a bit of a story, its own history of sorts? reckon i like to keep my memories safe on my skin instead of in my head. really, it’s a testament to my nerdiness if anything though.”

“that’s why i like it.” the words are soft and sweet and so painstakingly honest that zayn has to take a deep breath, head nodding as he flashes him a smile. “want to know a secret? i’m a bit of a nerd too. better to embrace it than to hide it, i say.”


	2. Chapter One.

the second time they are together they are stretched out on the sofa at harry's, some indie band that zayn vaguely knows but can't remember their name playing soft in the background. grimmy left hours ago, feigning a need for sleep though the wink he gives zayn when no one else is watching tells him otherwise. he isn't sure if it's for his own benefit or for harry's who is doing his utmost to charm emma anyway he can and failing. she's quick witted and funny, running circles around him then waiting patiently for him to catch up.

it's endearing to watch though, nice to see him working so hard because that means she's worth it and he's happy that his mate has sense enough to see that. he needs something good, needs someone without ulterior motives or expectations so high that he's being set up to fail and that's his honest opinion of previous girls, though zayn would never tell harry that. emma is better by miles and logan may very well be the best thing that's ever happened to him, so there's that too.

 

the other two disappeared into harry's bedroom hours ago - arguing as they made their way down the hall about what movie to watch and he can hear gunshots and explosions occasionally, though that isn't really an indicator of who won.

 

his attention returns to logan who is nestled into the back of the sofa, his body so long and lean that his feet are past the edges but he looks comfortable and that's all that matters to zayn. he's cuddled in beside him, on his side so they are facing each other though neither one has much to say. maybe that's okay, maybe it's a part of who they are together - if they even are anything together. he isn't sure just yet, but he thinks that maybe they could be. 

 

blue eyes are focused on his face and they never stray, not even for a moment. normally zayn would shy away from such a thing, duck his head or break the silence so attention could be focused elsewhere but he doesn't mind it so much when it's logan. is happy to lay there as still as he can for as long as the older lad would like to look at him. for a brief moment he thinks about digging out his sketch book, knows it's in his bag somewhere in his near vicinity so he can map out the planes of his face on paper. maybe use the tinted charcoal set that has a shade of blue close to the color of logan's eyes. he sighs, worrying at his bottom lip before deciding that it would be better not to move.

"what're you thinking about?" logan questions, eyebrow arched in curiosity when he breaks the silence. 

"if i should get my sketch book or not." zayn replies, nodding his head hoping that would do for an answer. when the other doesn't reply he feels as if he should add more, explain himself despite the fact that there'd been no further questions. " got a drawable face is all, yeah. think i want to see if i can match the color of your eyes." 

 

and maybe it's too much, the wrong thing to say to someone he barely knows, but the truth is that he feels as if he's known him for far longer. like some tiny piece of him would be missing if he never saw logan again even though he's lived so many years thus far without him. 

"don't move," is all the older boy says at first and he makes zayn ache inside, nodding his head that he won't despite the itching feeling beneath his skin to get up and seek out the elusive paper and pencils. " stay with me here, please? you're warm and this is nice. just..i think if you spend the rest of the night here you'll be able to draw my face from memory in the morning. be able to get the color of my eyes right and everything."

and all of the air that was in zayn's lungs is leaking out at that, his lips pursed so that the sound that slips past them sound like a balloon being deflated. "yeah. " he whispers out, arm that's been resting against his side thrown over logan in one quick movement before he can second guess. "yeah, i can do that." 

so he lays there and watches him, basking in the warmth of a body beside him and the easy silence that settles between them. at some point he must start dozing off because he feels lips press against his forehead and an arm draping around him, guiding him closer into the sturdiness of a well built chest. "sweet dreams, zayn." the words are whispered close to his ear and he tries hard to offer his own back but all that comes out is an incoherent, barely audible noise before he's drifting further, fingers tangled into logan's shirt like holding onto him was his lifeline.


	3. Chapter Two.

the third time they are together, harry's flat is swimming with people like it's the sea, people wandering from room to room, from person to person. 

grimmy's tucked himself into the corner of the sofa beside ezra, head tilted so he can hear over the music that's pouring through the speakers and zayn can't help but smile at the look on his face, as if he's soaking up every single word that's offered to him. dani and liam are holed off into the corner, bodies swaying in time to the music and he can see from here where liam's hand is rucked up beneath her shirt so his palm is flat against the expansion of her back. it never ceases to amaze him the way such a tiny gesture can speak volumes, can radiate strength and love, says without a single word that not only is she his but he is hers as well. 

niall, rita, lou and el are gathered around the table with cards in their hands, shouting loudly as each hand is played. zayn isn't even sure if they know what they're playing but it looks like a mix of poker with go fish which brings a smile to his face. harry left a while ago to pick up a few things at the store, emma asking him cheekily if she needed to hold the fort down while he's gone but he'd reached for her hand and laced their fingers, tugging her along with him. 

 

with a deep sigh he makes his way towards the balcony, fingers grazing over the outline of the pack within his trousers. despite how much they tease liam about being daddy direction (and honestly, he is), zayn is just as bad if not worse. he is the one who takes them all in and assesses their expressions, looks for words left unspoken behind the ones that are said. where liam is louder and more commandeering with his need to take care of the other lads, zayn is quiet and soft around the edges. sometimes he wonders if they even notice he does it at all. 

 

his body startles a bit to find another person leaning against the rails, looking over as he flicks the ashes from his cigarette. zayn hadn't even seen logan inside, much less noticed that he'd escaped outside. he'd known he was coming, had heard harry and emma talking about it, but for all of his endless watching he'd somehow missed him.

"zayn! c'mere." and the tone of logan's voice makes his knees feel weak, the way he sounds pleasantly surprised to see him and the tenderness behind those two words, like he's happy that it's he who came to join him. he offers up a smile and nods his head, fingers slipping into his pocket to get out his cigarette pack. after easing one between his lips and getting it lit he made his way over, settling himself in beside him so their forearm all the way down to their elbows are brushing together, which gives him butterflies though he'd never admit it out loud.

"didn't see you come in, when'd you get here?" he questions, keeping his tone easy and light like it wasn't a big deal that he'd spent the whole party watching and waiting, anticipating his arrival.

"a while ago, you were helping niall and louis clean up the table after they spilled their drinks and the bowl of popcorn." zayn had forgotten about that already, forgotten the shrieks mixed with laughter when the popcorn ended up in eleanor's lap and even down her shirt. she and rita had disappeared off to the loo and he had stayed to help the other lad's clean it up. 

" why didn't you come and say hi?" he questions, eyebrow cocked as he takes a moment to give logan a once over. he's got the kindest face out of anyone he knows, tied maybe with liam and it fills him with a warmth he can't explain. there's something about the stretch of his lips when he smiles and the sparkle in his eye that damn near makes zayn weak in the knees. he's too far gone for this kid already, more than he should be given how little time they've spent together and yet he is. his heart speeds up just from the thought of getting to see him and his stomach does flips whenever he actually does lay eyes on him. it feels like a joke that's being played on him, or maybe some cruel twist of fate because how could this possibly work? he isn't even sure if logan is interested in other guys.

"you were busy and it was nice watching the way you are with your friends. you guys care a lot about each other, don't you? it shows in the way you interact." logan's grinning at him before lifting his cigarette to take a drag and anything zayn might have said catches in his throat, because he's always wondered how they look on the outside, if people realize that they are so much more than five guys who were thrown together to make a band. 

"it does?"

"yeah, it does. you are more than just friends, right? brothers. you can see it in the way you're always touching in some way, like you're safer if you've got a hold of them. the way you all lean in a little closer when speaking to each other to make sure you know you have each other's attention, and your tone is soft and fond. even when you're playing around. it's nice, i think.. to share that with someone else. and you're lucky, you've got four others to share it with." it's the most logan has ever spoken and the words melt right through zayn like butter, like his insides are liquid and he can barely move, but he does, flicking his ashes before tucking his cigarette back into his lip. it's the best description of their relationship he's ever heard and he wants to thank him for saying the words out loud but before he gets the chance to the older boy is speaking again.

"i'm like that too with people i care about. always want to take care of them and keep them as close as i can. it's nice, having an extended family. to know without a doubt that you're loved. i'm like that with em and ez, with my best friend dean. he's been by my side as long as i can remember and i don't know what i'd do without him." there's a hint of sadness behind the words and he doesn't know if it's because they've been apart for a while or if it's because of something else but zayn closes the distance between them so he can guide him in for a hug, arms wrapping tight around his lean frame. logan doesn't move away, just lets himself be lead before relaxing in against him. "thanks." he whispers close to his ear, and when zayn pulls back a bit to get a glimpse at his face he lets out a sharp breath, because lips are pressing somewhere between the corner of his mouth and his cheek and he doesn't know what to do with himself.

he's never been this far gone over someone before, not even niall and he loves the hell out of the lad. but they were mostly fooling around and keeping each other from being lonely, especially when all of the other boys settled down. this isn't the same though, this is something far different, far more, and he doesn't know what to do with himself. he wracks his brain for something to say, anything at all but words evade him. not that it matters anyway because lips hover in close, like logan isn't sure if it's okay or not, like he's feeling him out and zayn takes the initiative this time and closes the gap. kisses him light and easy, like it can be passed off as nothing if the other boy changes his mind even though he hopes with everything in him that he doesn't.


	4. Chapter Three.

the fourth time they are together logan is at zayn's flat, shyly making his way around the living room. his expression is serious and his eyes are wide and for a moment he feels as if he's under a microscope - that the older boy is tearing off all of the rusted armor he's been wearing for protection for years and seeing who he is underneath it all, and it's unnerving, makes him feel vulnerable and exposed. 

"you've got a great place." logan finally says, turning to face him with a bright smile highlighting his features. zayn can hear the sincerity in his words and it makes him smile too, the nervousness he was consumed with miraculously gone. he's unsure as to why he so desperately seeks logan's approval, wants him to like him just as much as he likes the other boy but he does. he's not someone who is judgmental or cares about trivial things and yet zayn can't help but want to impress him.

"i like it." he finally replies after a few moments of silence, cocking his head in the direction of the kitchen before reaching out to wrap his fingers around logan's wrist and guide him into the kitchen. he gestures to the table so the older boy will have a seat then makes his way over to the cupboard to dig out glasses. he pours them both a drink and manages to rummage up some biscuits before sinking down into the seat beside him. they eat in silence for a few moments, eyes on each other even though they don't speak. 

it's funny almost, the way their friendship (maybe something a little more than that) feels solid and strong despite the fact that they say very little to each other. logan's a talker, zayn knows it - has heard him go on with harry about indie bands that make him scrunch up his nose just by name alone. he's listened to him banter back and forth with louis about the different variants of football which ended with lou patting him on the back and announcing to the group that logan was a keeper. he and liam had taken over dj duty at the party weeks ago and people were still talking about how well they'd done (and zayn secretly wanted logan to make him a mix, not because he'd be happy to have anything the other lad gifted him though he would, but because his taste in music was vast and damn good). he'd went out with niall for food and returned with niall waxing poetic about how he was a good lad, one who had apparently given him advise on how to pull rita. but together they are comfortably silent, picking and choosing the words they need to say and letting their actions do the talking. they stretch out across any available surface and let their limbs tangle, listen to music and smoke. watch the telly and laugh at nothing until one or both of them fall asleep.

zayn likes logan, he does. very much so in fact and while he isn't sure what exactly they're playing at he knows it will all come together just fine. they've only shared the one kiss but for him it was enough, knows that they will settle into something more when it feels right to them. he's a sweet kid, logan. he's watched as he cuddled emma to him and whispered sweetly in her ear, watched him tuck her hair behind it and affectionately press a kiss to the top of her head. in fact, he watched him do the same to ezra and hold him tight against his chest when he fell asleep at the party. he's seen him run his fingers over liam's head and affectionately call him baldy, watched him lift niall up onto his back like it was nothing and give him a piggy back ride for an hour and a half while niall kicked his sides and shouted "ONWARD, TRUSTY STEED". listened in as he talked to dean who apparently had flooded their entire apartment when he put too much detergent in the dish washer and then promptly fell asleep with nothing but affection in his voice as he rolled his eyes and tried to calm him down.

"zayn." the sound of his name pulls him from his thoughts and he blinks a few times, sheepish chuckles leaving his lips before he offers up an apologetic smile. "where'd you go just then?" logan's eyes are curious as he watches him, head tilted to the side with his tongue tucked between his teeth like he's already coming up with his own conclusions and is just waiting for zayn to verify them.

"was thinking about you. about how i fancy you quite a bit, actually." he states truthfully, unable to keep the words from leaving his lips. it was easy to say what he felt with logan - to be open and upfront about things. he wasn't sure if it was his relaxed demeanor or something about his face that made him long to pour his heart out to him.

"i like you too." the smile at logan's lips make his own etch wider across his face and he leans in to brush his lips over the older boy's, eyes closing for the few seconds that it lasts. 

" you've got a comic book collection don't you? liam told me. said it was sacred and i'd have to learn a secret handshake along with a codeword to see it?" his eyebrows arch in question, amusement highlighting his features when they finally break apart.

"yeah, come on, i'll show you. no handshake or code word required." he took a final sip of his drink, draining the glass before he was reaching out for logan's hand once more and dragging him towards his room so that he could share his prized collection with the older boy. and maybe it was a bit nerdy to be excited about such a thing, but they'd made an agreement to embrace their nerdy side and he was doing just that.

"what makes me so special?" logan questions as he laces their fingers together, squeezing his hand gently before bringing it up to his mouth so he can press a kiss which makes zayn insides melt. he still isn't even sure if the other lad is straight, gay or curious but it doesn't matter because he does know one thing for certain - he likes him and really, what more does he need?

"you're you."


	5. Chapter Four.

the fifth time they are together they are back at harry's, a tiny group of people crowded in the living room. logan, ezra and emma are heading back to the states in the morning and they'd decided to give them a proper send off. liam is nestled into the couch with his head against the back of the sofa and his eyes closed though he isn't asleep. dani is in his lap, hunched over a bit so she can whisper to eleanor as louis looks on with an incredulous look. zayn has a feeling the girls are talking about he and logan, can tell by the way they keep stealing glances in their direction but he doesn't mind. harry and emma are cuddled up in the arm chair, playing some sort of game that involves music trivia and slapping each other's hands if they answer incorrectly. grimmy and ezra are stretched out on the floor, gazing up at the ceiling and pointing out constellations as if it were the sky. he secretly suspects that when they slipped outside for a smoke earlier it wasn't for a cigarette. 

logan is beside him sharing the other chair, the two of them pressed in tightly but zayn likes it - wishes that they could stay like that forever. he's dreading tomorrow, doesn't want the older boy to leave. what if they never see or speak to each other again? what if the closeness they've shared for the last few weeks meant nothing and he is supposed to continue on lacking something (or someone)who has somehow become massively important to him? it scares him a bit to be so deeply invested in a person he's just met but it's logan and it's impossible not to be. zayn isn't sure but if he had to guess he thinks maybe the whole world's a little bit in love with him and if they aren't, well they should be.

"wanna.." logan didn't get the chance to finish his sentence before zayn was nodding, silently agreeing to whatever it was he wants him to do. a hand slips in to his and he's tugged up from his seat which elicites an aw from niall who is settled with his back against the chair, fingers flying over his phone as he sends a few texts.

he is lead out on to the balcony, the two of them reaching into their pockets in unison in search of a smoke and a light. zayn comes up with an empty pack and his lighter, logan a cigarette. he lights it and takes a drag, eyes closing as he exhales before he passes it over to zayn so they can share. he mumbles a thank you and accepts it, resting an elbow against the railing so he can watch logan rather than look out at the city lights.

"back where we met then, are we?" he teases, tone light and airy though it wavered a bit towards the end. he wonders briefly if the other lad is aware of how nervous he is, how sad he is about the fact that he's leaving and if he feels the same way. he watches him for a moment, silently passing the cigarette back and forth.

 

"one of the best moments of my life." logan's words are practically a whisper and zayn can hear him talk a sharp breath immediately after, although it could of been him because those eight words go right from his ears straight to his heart and he's struggling to catch his breath. the other lad is full of surprises - hasn't stop surprising him since they met, it's only right that he leaves him speechless when he's about to go too.

"yeah." he mumbles, nodding his head in agreement as he watches him with shining eyes and a goofy smile. "yeah, one of mine too." zayn's heart is on his sleeve and it's right there for logan to take it if he wants to - to keep it for his own. he wouldn't ask for much in return, just logan's heart and he'll keep it safe, honest. 

 

zayn passes the cigarette back to logan and he takes the final drag, eyes on zayn's mouth as he inhales. the exhale is long and slow, smoke billowing out until the night until he's leaning in and cupping his cheek to keep him still. lips part, tongue flicking over his own and then they're kissing, zayn's eyes wide because they've never kissed like this before. his eyes fall shut, hands fisting into his shirt so he can pull himself in closer and keep himself from toppling over and then he just let's go - focusing on nothing but the kiss.

when they break apart they are both struggling to get a proper breath, his hands are shaking and he can't tear his eyes away from logan's face for what feels like a lifetime. he curls into him, face buried into his neck as arms wrap around him so they are proper hugging. "'m going to miss you." zayn mumbles into his skin, lips parting to dance kisses over his skin. "don't want you to go, can't you stay a bit longer, yeah?" 

logan's laughter rumbles through him and he can feel the vibration against his lips which only makes him want to draw him in closer, hold him tighter and refuse to let him go. "now i know for next time if i want you to hold me i just need to kiss you. i'm going to miss you too, a lot. i wish i could stay but we've got promotional stuff going on and then i'll be filming again... but when i get the chance to come back i will. and maybe when you come to the states .. if you aren't too busy, we could see each other? i mean if you want to see me?" his tone is light and there's a hint of teasing there, like he has to joke about it to keep himself from getting hurt if zayn says that he doesn't want to see him and it baffles him, how he could possibly think that for a moment when he's tangled up against him, fingers splayed out across his back to keep him from moving away.

"of course i want to see you, logan. can't think of anything i want more than that right now. if you get to come back we can hole up at mine and not tell the rest of the lads you're here cos then i'll have to share you and it really won't be enough time for me to have you to myself and i really like getting to spend time with you alone, because it's nice and you're quite funny and you're cute and i like it when we cuddle up on the sofa..." it's a long drawn out ramble that leaves his lips and about the time that zayn realizes he's going on logan is tracing a finger along his jaw down to his chin so he can guide him back into a kiss. it's deeper and more desperate - tongues and teeth in a heated rush like he's saying goodbye now the way he won't be able to tomorrow at the airport. he doesn't let logan pull back until they are both panting for air, eyes widen and lips red and well kissed. he takes a few moments to steady his breathing before flashing him a smile.

 

"we can text and i'll call you? skype or chat? if you want to or whenever you want to. if harry is mooning over emma or grimmy wants to ramble over how ezra's hung the moon .. you noticed that didn't you, the way they were drawn to each other like magnets.. or if niall's freaking out over rita, then just call me and i'll be your sanity again. or if you're bored and you need something to do, we can talk or play a game or something. just.. don't be a stranger? because i really am going to miss you. even though we just met i feel like this is something special and i don't want to lose it. i don't want to lose you." logan's watching him with a serious expression, eyebrows furrowed in determination as if he wasn't sure if he'd be able to get those words out. and zayn's heart just melts, his smile widening even more before he's leaning in. it's his turn to silence the older boy with a kiss, his turn to quell all of his fears in the best way he knows how.

"we'll do all of those things, yeah? you'll get tired of me right quick, i'll bother you every day." zayn whispers out once they've separated. "won't be a stranger, lo. couldn't forget you if i tried."

the door slides open with a clattering bang and they both jump, space put between their bodies unintentionally. harry is grinning at them like he just caught them fondling at each other or worse - mischief sparkling in his eye. "c'mon inside, love birds. we're playing a game." then he turns on his heels and disappears, the two of them sharing a look and laughing as he goes.

"c'mon then, he'll be back in a few seconds if we don't follow right after." zayn leads the way, his hand reaching for logan's and he slips his fingers between the empty spaces of the older boy's and gives his hand a gentle squeeze. he's sad and he's nervous about tomorrow - knows he'll probably cry when he gets back from the airport and gets the chance to be alone, but he can't focus on that now. instead he is going to focus on the warmth of logan's hand and the minimal space between their bodies, the way he flashes him tiny smiles and the fact that he still has the rest of the night and breakfast tomorrow with him.


	6. Chapter Five.

the sixth time they are together they aren't really together at all - it's just two pictures on his computer screen, though he focuses on logan's face more than his own ragged one. he's tired, it's somewhere past midnight and he's stretched out in bed in nothing but a large pair of flannel pajama pants he pilfered from liam or maybe harry. his hair is sticking straight up and he knows there are dark half circles beneath his eyes because he hasn't been sleeping much but he just doesn't care, only cares about the fact that he can see logan's face. the lighting is bad - there are dark shadows above his head and he can hear bon iver playing in the back ground but the older boy is smiling at him and lifting a hand in a dorky wave and it just fucking melts right through him. 

it's been two weeks since the airport where he properly embarrassed himself by clinging tightly to logan, bodies pressed in tight as he hugged him to his chest and refused to let go even when emma and ezra had already kissed everyone and disappeared through the doors and down the hall. when he'd pulled back his eyes were wet and niall had teased him the whole way home until he'd punched his arm and slid out of their shared seat, opting instead to cuddle up with harry who was pouting and looking miserable. 

"will be okay, yeah?" he'd asked him, arm snaking around his neck to draw him in closer and share a bit of warmth. "they'll come back home to us?"

the look on harry's face had been one of torture for a moment, like he couldn't wrap his around the fact that the two of them had somehow managed to fall hook, line and sinker in such a short amount of time before a smile quickly replaced it and he nodded. "yeah, they'll come back home to us."

 

the sound cuts out for a brief moment and zayn's lips form a pout, his eyebrows furrowing when the picture goes black too and he let's out a whine of protest that logan probably can't hear. he doesn't exit the box though, just reaches for his phone and his fingers have just started flying over the keys to type out a text when one comes through. 'technical difficulties. it'll take like five seconds.. please don't fall asleep, zayn. i've missed you.' all of the air in his lungs slips from his lips, making the sound of a balloon deflating as he types a message back. he can feel tears behind his eyes, knows that it's because he's bone tired and over emotional and fuck, he just wants to be able to look at logan's face before he goes to sleep. they've been texting non stop, random little messages back and forth about books and movies, new songs they want the other to check out. they talk about what they'd be doing if they were together, make fun of ezra who sent logan five texts about how he's a bit over the moon for grimmy though he didn't name him by name. this is their first chance to video chat, first chance to see each other's face and he just wants it so bad he can't stand it. there's no way he can fall asleep first, will hold his lids open with his fingertips if need be.

 

"zay? what're you doing? " the sound of logan's voice pulls him from his thoughts and he lifts his head up to see his face staring back at him on the screen, his eyes sparkling and a wide smile at his lips. 

"was waiting for you to text me back, reckon i was staring at my phone willing you to do so just in case you couldn't chat tonight." zayn offers him a smile, shifting a bit on the bed to get comfortable before finally stretching himself out across it and wrapping an arm around his laptop to draw it in closer so it feels like his face is closer to logan's.

"told you it'd only take like five seconds." the older boy admonishes, then smirks before sticking his tongue out. it makes zayn laugh, warmth spreading from the pit of his belly until it consumes him and for a brief second he let's himself think that he wishes he could have this all of the time, that he wishes he could have logan all of the time. out of all the things they've talked about that's one topic they've skipped - no mention of the kisses or the tears behind their eyes when logan left, no mention of the way he'd slipped a hand in his the night before and refused to let it go. he doesn't know the proper word to describe this, them.. but he knows it's more than just a friendship. somehow they've bypassed that step.

 

"you're tired." logan assesses as he watches him, the pair of them kind of quiet but it doesn't matter, they've been quiet around each other since they met..why would this be any different? besides, zayn's attention is on his features, taking them in and learning them again so he won't forget until they get the chance to see each other again. for a moment he thinks about the possibility that they won't get that chance, not in person and he panics, breaths coming out labored as he watches the other move around his screen in search of something before forcing himself to speak.

"yeah, a bit. haven't been sleeping well. i miss you." and he can feel his cheeks heating up thanks to his confession but he honestly doesn't care, has never been too shy to say what's on his mind when logan's there. even via video chat he has the ability to get zayn to reveal things he otherwise would keep to himself.

" i miss you. look, i want to show you something... can you see this? probably not, the light from the computer screen is too bright.." logan's holding up his phone to the screen, thumb moving to show him pictures. there's one of harry and emma posing together, tongues slipped out of their mouths and eyes crossed. it's blurry at best but he can make it out and it makes the whole of him ache to be seeing them together, wishes it was in person right now. because as sure as something is happening between he and logan; albeit slowly, it's already happened for harry and em. he was there after they spoke on the phone, saw the pink splotches on his cheeks and his dimples appear as he told zayn they'd decided to give it a shot even if it'd be hard with both of them so busy. logan moves on and he sees one of grimmy and ezra stretched out on the floor asleep, cuddled up like two little puppies and it makes him laugh though it's cut short quickly. his eyes widen as he sees his own face, one of him at distance smiling at niall when he laughs, another one of him dancing with louis when they'd pressed in tight to each other and put on a show for everyone - teaching them all the proper way to slow dance. the last one is of him sleeping, eyes closed and hint of a smile at his lips. he's hugging logan in it, he can tell .. can see the way his arm is wrapped around something. 

 

"i.. when did you take that? " he questions not that he really even needs to ask because he remembers that night, knows that it's from the night before logan left to go home. he's having trouble breathing, chest rising and falling heavily as he stares at his screen, watches as logan watches him with knowing eyes and a gentle smile. there's a million things he wants to ask, to say but he can't find the words so instead he just watches him. "what are we doing?" zayn finally manages, eyes closing to help try and calm the nerves he's suddenly consumed with. normally he's so much better at this, at relationships and talking people up if he wants to but logan destroyed all of that the second he'd laid eyes on him.

 

"think we're video chatting right now, but that's not what you mean is it? we're dating, aren't we? except it's a little harder than most people do so ours consist of text dates and video chats for now. but when i get to see you again we can go out? you can take me somewhere, anywhere? or if you come here i can take you to my favorite places. we can go bowling? or to a movie? you can meet dean and he'll tell you all kinds of embarrassing stories about me. and you can kiss me again, i like it when you kiss me. and we can fall asleep together, i like that too because you hold on tight like you need me to be there and no one's really ever done that before. i'm rambling, aren't i? i feel like i'm rambling.." it's the most zayn thinks he's ever heard logan say in one continuous sentence and if that wasn't enough to blow his mind the words he says are. he takes a few seconds to replay them, to make sure he heard properly before nodding his head and flashing him the biggest brightest smile he's got.

 

"dating.. dating is good. even if it's just through texts and video chats. reckon we'll take what we can get until we're both not busy, yeah? and i'll take you out when we are, promise. anywhere you'd like. i'll be proud to be with you, happy that it's me you choose to be with. don't think there's anywhere i'm happier than when i'm with you, except maybe with my mum and family. i want to see your family and we can go bowling and to the movies. and i'd like to meet dean, tell him i know how important he is to you and hear all of those stories. snog you, just want to snog you all of the time. can't think of anything else but kissing you, honestly. and i do need you here. barely slept since you left, doesn't feel the same anymore. just want to hold you." it's his turn to ramble and he does so, not afraid to say things out loud he'd normally keep inside. he likes that they open each other up, get each other to reveal what's in their hearts while at the same time they speak very little words. maybe their actions say far more or maybe they pick and choice their words so they only say the most important ones.

"you should get some sleep, zay. you look exhausted. i'll text you until you do?" logan questions, his tone hopeful and he just nods his head, grateful to turn the computer off and get to drift off to sleep with him. he wants to still be able to see his face but he can barely keep his eyes open and there will be other chats in the near future, now that they are dating. he says the word out loud, feels it on his tongue and it makes him smile while logan laughs. the older boy waves to him and he waves back, blowing a kiss which makes him feel like a school girl but logan makes a show of catching it and that's all he needs. he closes the boxes on his screen and shuts the lid to his laptop before burying himself under the covers, phone in hand. it vibrates about ten minutes later and he grins, wide and proud.

'wish i could kiss you right now, you looked so good. emma called, she laughed when i told her we were dating. said she knew it all along. she thinks we're cute. so do i. i miss you.'


	7. Chapter 7

this is just a quick note to thank everyone who has been reading this and leaving kudos, it's really appreciated - especially since this was all a whim that somehow tranformed into a story. 

 

i have been really sick and not able to be at the computer, but i have three more chapters written that will be posted sometime soon. just wanted to give you all a heads up and thank you once again. <3 :)


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